When Words Predict Workload

Standard distributed \ac{llm} schedulers rely on static token counts or rolling latency averages, making them susceptible to failures on statutorily constrained text. On \ac{epo} claims governed by Article 84 \ac{epc}, linguistic rigidity makes human and machine authorship statistically indistinguishable. Resolving this ambiguity mid-flight forces dynamic multi-model ensemble expansion, triggering unpredictable KV-cache and weight-allocation spikes that saturate consumer-grade edge GPU VRAM and cause severe \ac{oom} crashes. To prevent hardware collapse, we propose a CPU-side Linguistic Resource Forecasting (LRF) gateway. The gateway extracts a 16-dimensional text-structure vector and applies an XGBoost predictor to forecast trap-band membership. The resulting escalation probability ($\Pesc$) is evaluated against a dynamic, closed-form routing threshold ($\Tauroute(t)$) computed via real-time latency telemetry. Requests are safely routed to either a local Qwen2.5-7B edge worker or a remote contrastive ensemble (Qwen2.5 7B + 32B) on an NVIDIA H100 \emph{before} any edge GPU memory is allocated. In a 6,000-request live trial, the LRF gateway reduced the operational misroute fraction ($R_{\mathrm{mis}}$) to $0.087$--$0.095$, an order of magnitude below the token-count baseline ($0.849$). Peak edge VRAM remained safely bounded at $\SI{4.82}{\gibi\byte}$ (under the $\SI{8}{\gibi\byte}$ ceiling) across a $27\times$ variation in \ac{wan} delay. The predictor achieved a live-trial AUROC of $0.84$, and the dynamic $\Tauroute(t)$ controller yielded an $8.2\%$ relative reduction in misroutes compared to an equivalent static threshold.